Photo found in Pastel Panty case, mysterious woman revealed

Burbank CA (GSP). In an odd twist of the so-called Pastel Panty Puzzle case that has captured the attention of millions around the country, police authorities in Burbank have announced they have a breaking lead in cracking the case.

With the buzz stretching from New York to California, a photo was released of a mysterious woman who appears to be kayaking. Authorities claim that the photo was discovered on a digital camera once owned by Pastel and have indicated that they have strong evidence that the woman in the picture may be the owner of the soiled panties found in Pastel’s hotel room. Prosecutors are standing by until sufficient evidence is produced and the owner of the panties is found since visitors were prohibited in Pastel’s hotel room, as indicated by the hotel’s occupancy policies.

The mystery woman is being sought with what appears to be limited identification, based on the photo. Former NC district attorney Michael Nifong offered this analysis, “A single picture of the back of a woman’s head is not enough to identify the perpetrator, nor locate her. However, sometimes less is more, as seen in my illustrious career, if you know what I mean.”

However, Nifong did not mention the other facets to the case that have the legal behemoth against Pastel steam rolling along. There are forensic geneticists evaluating the genetic organic material (hair, juices, fecal matter) and bacteria found in the crotch and anal area of the crusty panties; online polls which offer Pastel fans a chance to sound in on how they think own the soiled feminine wear; and expert lawyers and investigators poking holes in Pastel’s alibis and scrutinizing his public activity.

While the photo is difficult to interpret right now, experts believe this may be the break authorities have been looking for to nail Pastel for his sexual and hospitality industry indiscretions.

Exclusive coverage will continue on GSL Enterprises news site.

The aforementioned photo revealing the mysterious woman thought to be linked to the soiled panties of Dr. Amar Pastel. Persons with any information about this woman should call the Burbank Police Department immediately. All callers will be automatically entered in a raffle and could win a gift package valued at over $100.

Pastel Panty Puzzle Close to Results, Investigators Say

New York NY (GSP). Investigators involved in the so-called Pastel Panty Puzzle have been working around the clock to determine the ownership of the dirty panties found in the hotel room of famed GSL embalmer, Dr. Amar Pastel. While litigators and federal agents have been keeping close watch on Pastel and his moves, forensic experts and genetic scientists have been working non-stop in search of clues that may point to individuals connected with the wet and frilly undergarments.

The scientists are confident their work will see results sooner rather than later, and have not been paying attention to the online poll conducted by Gallup and GSP, lest the survey bias their research. Nearly all people who are friends or acquaintances with Pastel have been contacted to donate DNA samples for testing. It is unknown whether the individuals listed on the online polls have had any contact with Pastel, but given the scientific importance of quantifiable online surveys for sensational news scandals, no possibilities are excluded at this time, said lead forensic bacteriologist, Dr. Marvin Gardens.

While Gardens did not provide any hints as to who he thinks the mysterious owner of the panties is, he did reveal results from a bacterial culture found in the crotch of the crusty panties. "It seemed to be a true case of crotch-rot, with positive tests for festering aggressive bacterium, fungal spores and eggs of amphibious origin. We were rather surprised with what came out (pictured above)."

Exclusive coverage of the Pastel Panty Puzzle will be continued by GSP on this award-winning website.

Mounting evidence; Pastel admits guilt; arrested

New Haven, CT (GSP). J. Hiram, M.A., assistant professor of criminal justice at the University of New Haven today secured definitive testimonial evidence that the panties found in the Pastel Panty Puzzle, as dubbed by the Wall Street Journal, were left by an illicit companion of Dr. Amar Pastel in violation of hotel occupancy restrictions. By employing an old lawyer’s trick, Hiram persuaded Pastel to admit that the panties were in fact “dirty,” thereby admitting his guilt.

Here’s how Hiram did it:

A statement on the GSPress online community weboard was left by Pastel at 5:45 on March 7th:
rama said...
seriously, this has gone far enough.i'm starting to get paranoid that my clasmates and professors somehow are reading this....

Hiram in collaboration with NYC authorities employed GSL webmaster to post a poll of to whom the readers believe the panties belong, with the following statement:
The owner of the wet and dirty panties is likely one of these amazing personalities!!

By tracking the IP addresses of all voters to the poll, Hiram found that 6/7 of the votes for “Salma Hayek” were from an Akron, OH internet service provider, GlobalCom. Using GlobalCom’s records, authorities were able to track the IP to Pastel’s home, of which Pastel is the only resident.

Reasoning that only Pastel would be deluded enough to think the panties could possibly be Hayek’s, Hiram concluded that by voting for Hayek on a poll about “dirty panties,” Pastel admits to the fact that panties were in fact “dirty,” thereby admitting his guilt.

Despite this definitive evidence, Hiram was unable to conclude to what order of magnitude the “dirtyness” of the panties is or what substance is causing the “dirtyness.”
The panties were taken to the NYC's Samuelson Forensic Center in Brooklyn for further testing. Currently, forensic chemists have been unable to identify the molecular entities causing a distinct odor to waft from the crusty panties. Authorities have suggested that it smells “rather raunchy” and “worse than my wife’s.” However, forensic specialists remain optimistic that they will nail the culprit.

Police arrested Pastel in his Akron home and charged him with violation of hotel occupancy restrictions, a violation that could bring a maximum one year in prison by NYC State Statute 107c.89. Pastel will be arraigned on March 20th.

Hiram has said he is quite pleased to have aided in this case.

Don't Forget to Vote, America!

Vote America!!

GSL Enterprises has given you, the reader, the opportunity to vote on who you think is the owner of the wet panties found in the hotel room of famed GSL embalmer, Dr. Amar Pastel.

Vote now and see if America knows the enigmatic Dr. Pastel as well as you claim to.

The owner of the wet and dirty panties is likely one of these amazing personalities!!

WHO DO YOU THINK IT IS?

Salma Hayek?

Martha Stewart?

Janet Reno?

Vita Girlardi?

Rachel Ray?


Steven Cokrell?


Aishwarya Rai?


Anita Patel?



Mhukarjee Shetty?

Christina Ricci?

Vote America! Who do you think owns the panties?

Who do you think owns the panties?
	Salma Hayek
	Martha Stewart
	Janet Reno
	Vita Girlardi
	Rachel Ray
	Steven Cokrell
	Aishwarya Rai
	Anita Patel
	Mhukarjee Shetty
	Christina Ricci
View Results

Free poll from Free Website Polls

Panties found in Dr. Pastel's Hotel Room! Mystery Guest unknown, investigation follows.

New York, NY (GSP). Grand Hyatt staff discovered a pair of soiled panties in the previous occupant's single hotel room this morning. The occupant was found to be Dr. Amar Pastel, who denied ownership of the wet panties, thereby admitting that he had not spent the night alone. This "mystery guest" and Pastel are in violation of hotel rules regarding single-occupancy of single rooms. Staff released the panties to authorities, who will begin an investigation to trace the owner of the panties.

News updates on this investigation to follow!

GSL to hire Nutrition Consultant to institute nutritional policy to combat company's poor eating habit

Akron, OH (GSP). What happens when your have these two employees working for you?

One only eat meat, no fruits and vegetables, just deep fried chicken with lots of unhealthy sauce. have you ever seen D----- eat a piece of fresh fruit? i haven't. also, Gatorade is equivalent to kool-aid, yet he claims it is different (and better!).

The other doesn't eat any meat, or fresh fruits or vegetable, just plain potato chips, tomato sandwiches and the occasional tuna. Not to mention blondies, pies and cakes. Why not make a nice big salad? Or some fruit cocktail? Anything! Even boiled potatoes or a vitamin supplement would be better.

Your profits suffer, that's what. Studies show that undernourished employees fall asleep more often and break more bones doing simple household tasks, leading to less productivity and more long-term disability expenses, hurting YOUR bottom line. Some studies suggest that people's perception of statistics and science is to blame. They believe that empirical studies are misleading or wrong, and that personal experience should guide nutritional choices. This can lead to a difficult situation where you, as a responsible manager, have the responsibility to guide your employees' choices but find it difficult to alter their perceptions.

To address these difficult questions, GSL Enterprises has sent out a RFP searching for a nutritional consultant to develop and implement a company-wide dietary policy. Current front runner for this large account is Marina Oberti-Cueno, D.O., M.P.A. With 10 years of experience as Director of Applied Nutritional and Dental Policy at the American Dietary Association (ADA), she has successfully implemented hundreds of nutritional programs at Fortune 500 companies, government agencies, and civic groups.

GSL Execs say that if a nutritional policy is successful in garnering a superior Return-On-Investment, they will consider requiring mandatory relationship counseling, social skills training as well as personal hygene tutorials.

Official Pocket Guide to Magical Hierarchary Released Yesterday

Glastonberry, CT (GSP). The Second Council of OHODA, the Other HitherRegion of Doric Association, the international governing body of magical practice, released the official guide to magical society stratification yesterday. This list was collected and compiled after many years of debate from representatives of the diverse magical areas of Magic, Illusionary, Dragon Taming, Ventriolquism, Order of Baba Yaga, Optical Illusion Artistry, Old Believers (Houdini practicioners), Science Fiction & Fantasy, Exorcisms & Devil Dealings, Escape Artistry, Sleight of Hand, Voodoo, the Medieval Costume Arts, Card Tricks & Levitation, Harry Potter Fans, and Universal Wizardry & the Grand Order of Witchcraft (Non-Blair).

Outlined in the handy pocket guide was this rough hierarchy, subject to change during Third Council revisions:

1) Arch Magician
2) Magician
3) Houdini Historian
4) Illusionist
5) Ventriloquist
6) Optical Illusion Artist
7) Merlin
8) Gandalf the grey
6) Wizard
7) Associate Wizard
8) Junior Wizard
9) Alchemist
10) David Cooperfield
11) Harry Potter Fan Club Member
12) Chris Ashley
13) Amar
14) Andia
15) Laymen