Pastel riding high, Caught in a stink.

Akron, OH GSP). Where were you when you read that Ellen Degeneres was gay? Or found out that Lance Bass was gay? Or heard that Gaymie Condraff was a homosexual? We all can remember these moments vividly, as they both shocked the world and warmed our hearts. The acceptance of the fundamental human desire to love "who you want to love" has become so ingrained in our 21st culture, that we remember the people who have "come out" as modern heroes.

Dr. Amar Pastel, celebrity embalmer and star of the Fox hit, Funeral Parlor Nightmares, has been riding a tidal wave of publicity lately. Although rumors have been around as to his sexual orientation since 2004, not since Ellen Degeneres has someone taken control of the public's view of his or her sexuality. Imitating Ellen in 1999, Dr. Pastel provided an interview and graced the cover of Time last month, proclaiming loud and proud, "I'm gay."

When asked about his legendary relations with Christina Alguleria and Barbara Walters, Dr. Pastel responded, coolly and with great elegance, "Larry, I'm with Chad now."

Who is Chad? Dr. Pastel informs us that he has been dating the 23 year old, New York-based blogger since 2006. Chad has frequently posted blogs implying his relations with Pastel (check out www.moonrunner-nyc.com). Until now, their relationship has been speculative, despite people witnessing the two dining together at Belimore, NY's famous Mixing Bowl.

Unfortunately, it's a law of physics that all tidal waves must eventually dissipate, that what goes up must and will come down. Hollywood snoop, Perez Hilton, reported on his website this morning that a domestic dispute last night left Pastel and Chad in a shouting match at Pastel's Akron apartment. Neighbors who overheard the dispute report that Pastel and Chad were fighting because Pastel had allegedly been with some girl. They heard Chad shouting and screaming such as "if you haven't been with a girl today, how come your arm pit smells like a menstruating pussy?" The police responded, and Pastel spent his first night in jail for 2008. His counsel, Dimejios Sola-Ogun could not be reached for comment.

Amar Pastel doppelgänger spotted downtown Nashville; extremely popular, good smelling according to GSL robot

Nashville TN (GSP). While vacationing in Nashville, a GSL employee robot spotted a man who had the same name as embittered GSL embalmer Dr. Amar Pastel. This man was also a Punjabi- Mexican- American from the continent of Pakistan, as identified by the extraordinarily high artificial intelligence employee robot, the Robo-GSL-M94P7. Bearing a remarkable resemblance to Dr. Pastel, this brown individual, Mr. Pastel, could have been mistaken as a younger brother.

Robo-GSL, the most advanced robot on the GSL employee robot fleet, spent a stint working for Dr. Pastel several years ago, observing his perverted embalming for many months. In Nashville, Robo-GSL used a central processor to access his retrospective memory to compare the behaviors of the two Pastels. The results were terrifying… for Dr. Pastel.

Indeed, Mr. Pastel was much more successful in practically all realms compared to Dr. Pastel, save making a bed with his teeth and eating a signature “Gordo” burger. While Dr. Pastel remains social awkward, Mr. Pastel is rated as “one smooth cat”, talking the panties off cute girls, and making lots of money with savvy business decisions. The number of Facebook friends Mr. Pastel had eclipsed Dr. Pastel’s list. Facebook lists are a true barometer for social success, and success in life, in general. Robo-GSL also linked the scent of Mr. Amar Pastel to what James Bond probably smells like; while the robot identified the stink of Dr. Pastel to plain potato chips and mustard-and-kraft-singles sandwiches.

It is possible this Dr. Pastel-fetch, is completely unrelated to the famous embalmer. However, tabloid expert Jonny Coggins said the damage to Dr. Pastel’s reputation may be absolutely irreversible. He said, “This wonderful GSL robot identified a person that shares the exact same attributes as Dr. Pastel, many of which Dr. Pastel-supporters have used to excuse his perverted behaviors and failings. These arguments no longer hold any water.”

Coggins continued, “Let’s look at the facts. It is not the name “Amar Pastel”. Proof! It is not his race. Proof! It is not his skin color. Proof! It is not his education. Proof! All of Dr. Pastel’s failings and unpopularity can be attributed to his horrible personality, lack of character, and the fact that he is the worst pervert Ohio has ever encountered.”

GSL Enterprises released no official statement regarding this news. Robo-GSL is currently planning the next leg of his journey to Georgia. It is rumored Robo-GSL is interested in hearing stories about salaries of the top earners in the state.