New GSL Contest: Submit a Caption!

Akron OH (GSP). In an attempt to boost morale, and place GSL Enterprises on the shiny side of "cool", public relations representatives for the chamomile products and funeral services business have produced a fun way to show the fun side of the company. It is a "submit-a-caption" contest where readers of GSPress and fans of the company can make commentary on a funny picture that involves GSL Enterprises in some way. Winners of the contest can win $100 worth of chamomile lotion products, $50 towards a funeral pyre, or a romp in the hay with celeb-embalmer Dr. Amar Pastel. The winner will be decided by a panel consisting of one member: Dr. Amar Pastel.

The first picture can be seen below:


Submitted captions:
"Some people pay a lot of money for two pussies in one picture."
- Walter Feegis

"He looks happier than with his college friends."
- Horatio Q. Birdbath

"Is he finishing up with the cat, or just getting ready to have his way with it?"
- Bestiality Brian

"Shouldn't the dick be limp, and not the pussy?"
- Carlton D'Juballe

"After an hour of pleasure, Amar felt somewhat ashamed. Then he saw how hot he was!"
- Perverted Pete

Submit yours in the comments section!

Scientists Reveal Possible Source of Perversion

Richmond, VA (GSP). Neurobiologists at the Medical College of Virginia published evidence today in the American Journal of Abnormal Cognitive Neuropsychiatry of a possible physical mechanism that leads to perversion, a phenomena that has puzzled scientists and psychiatrists for ages.

Drs. Tobias Fuenke and Dina Robins used fMRI measured concentrations of D2 and D3 dopamine receptors in the mesolimbosocratic region of test subject, Pastel-83, over a period of several years.

“We recruited Pastel-83 because he was a known pervert based on reports by his friends. After several baseline measures of the dopamine receptors in his brain, we measured his dopamine levels prior-to and during witness of internet porn of his active choice (Pastel-83 was allowed unlimited access). The fMRI showed us that dopamine cascades in his brain at the onset of internet porn watching and often physical self-manipulation. As time went on, we noticed that the concentration of D2 and D3 receptors were growing exponentially. Concurrently, we noticed the subject going into what appeared to be withdrawal symptoms, while his frequency of internet porn watching was increasing and his website choices were changing. In the beginning, Pastel-83 chose to look at Playboy websites (coded as "normal porn"). By the end of the study, he was looking at illicit and morally-objectional materials (the scientists coded this as “weird porn”). Due to the instantaneous nature of internet porn as well as the correlated increase in dopamine receptors and withdrawal, we concluded that Pastel-83 became dependent on internet porn and began to seek out new, more instantaneous highs (weird porn). This phenomena could only be called 'Perversion' by every definition of the term.”

Medical College of Virginia researchers are encouraged that they may have discovered the mechanism by which perversion is developed in today’s internet and self-gratifying environment. When asked if there is anything one can do to prevent this development, researchers replied that "it is impossible to prevent this. Only the police can deal with consequences."

Pastel-83 is currently awaiting arraignment in a Santa Monica, CA jail.