Mounting evidence; Pastel admits guilt; arrested

New Haven, CT (GSP). J. Hiram, M.A., assistant professor of criminal justice at the University of New Haven today secured definitive testimonial evidence that the panties found in the Pastel Panty Puzzle, as dubbed by the Wall Street Journal, were left by an illicit companion of Dr. Amar Pastel in violation of hotel occupancy restrictions. By employing an old lawyer’s trick, Hiram persuaded Pastel to admit that the panties were in fact “dirty,” thereby admitting his guilt.

Here’s how Hiram did it:

A statement on the GSPress online community weboard was left by Pastel at 5:45 on March 7th:
rama said...
seriously, this has gone far enough.i'm starting to get paranoid that my clasmates and professors somehow are reading this....

Hiram in collaboration with NYC authorities employed GSL webmaster to post a poll of to whom the readers believe the panties belong, with the following statement:
The owner of the wet and dirty panties is likely one of these amazing personalities!!

By tracking the IP addresses of all voters to the poll, Hiram found that 6/7 of the votes for “Salma Hayek” were from an Akron, OH internet service provider, GlobalCom. Using GlobalCom’s records, authorities were able to track the IP to Pastel’s home, of which Pastel is the only resident.

Reasoning that only Pastel would be deluded enough to think the panties could possibly be Hayek’s, Hiram concluded that by voting for Hayek on a poll about “dirty panties,” Pastel admits to the fact that panties were in fact “dirty,” thereby admitting his guilt.

Despite this definitive evidence, Hiram was unable to conclude to what order of magnitude the “dirtyness” of the panties is or what substance is causing the “dirtyness.”
The panties were taken to the NYC's Samuelson Forensic Center in Brooklyn for further testing. Currently, forensic chemists have been unable to identify the molecular entities causing a distinct odor to waft from the crusty panties. Authorities have suggested that it smells “rather raunchy” and “worse than my wife’s.” However, forensic specialists remain optimistic that they will nail the culprit.

Police arrested Pastel in his Akron home and charged him with violation of hotel occupancy restrictions, a violation that could bring a maximum one year in prison by NYC State Statute 107c.89. Pastel will be arraigned on March 20th.

Hiram has said he is quite pleased to have aided in this case.