GSL Enterprises presents research in explosive saving lives science

Will publish groundbreaking article in the science of saving lives, Asians top list.

Rice Lake WI (GSP). In a news conference held this morning, GSL Enterprises presented complex theorems and statistical models to show how certain employees save lives, using GSL as a business model.

Since 2004, GSL Enterprises has provided high-quality, low-cost funeral services across the nation and in the process help save lives. Company CEO and Saving Lives Division Leader, Curtis Engolopoulos said, “Many companies and individuals claim to save lives. Until now, there has been no way to quantify that. We make the science accessible with our cutting edge models and in the process of showing you how, we will probably save 2 lives. Let us prove it to you.”

GSL claims to exclusively employ people who save lives or have a high life saving potential. Through their rigorous pre-employment training, headed by MD, Dr. Amar Pastel, all employees are guaranteed to save at least 14 lives in their first week of employment, although typically most save many more than that.

Engolopoulos explained that each employee has a different quantifiable potential to save lives, as determined by the GSL Life Saving Potential Quotient. When paired with the proportion of time they spend working, you get a function that can tell you how many lives are saved per hour (and assuming 8 hour days, and 40 day weeks) also per day and per week. On average, an employee can reasonably expect to save 20-25 extra lives per week with each year of experience with the company. However, this tends to plateau at about 6000 lives saved per week, but only at GSL Enterprises.

There are some employees, such as Yasmine (note: all names changed to protect identities) that can save approximately 0.15 lives (probably like an arm or leg or something) per hour, while others such as Molly, can save an astonishing 720 lives/hour. Typically, an average employee like Sanford, has below-average potential but makes up for that by working hard, so he saves an average number of lives regardless. Asians, such as 2 year employee Wang Pho, tend to have a higher potential for saving lives. In other words, Wang Pho can potentially save more lives than Yasmine and Sanford combined, however Wang cannot capitalize on this by working in a discriminatory environment that is racist against Asians. That means in one hour, Wang actually can save more lives than Sanford who is actually working harder, but because Sanford’s potential is so low, and Wang is dealing with anti-Asian sentiment, Sanford save more lives. Same trends continue for the daily and weekly level.

It should also be noted how much it costs for GSL to save a life. It costs low-pay employees like Wang between $0.42 and $0.65 per life while it costs Molly more than a whopping $5 for each life saved. That is how GSL earns a lucrative profit: underpaying low level Asian employees, while earning maximum profits from them. In the GSL business models, white workers are paid more while less is expected from them, as compared to Asians.

Engolopoulos said that the story does not stop there and is actually more complicated. He explained that there is an important underlying assumption that undercuts all of this: not all lives are equal. Some lives go on to save other lives and are therefore more valuable in saving overall number of lives. These are called LSL (lives that save lives). The model predicts that Asians save LSLs at a rate much, much higher than other employees (generally, 80% of lives Asians save go on to save more lives). As an example, Yasmine is the best, as every life (or fraction of lives she saves), will certainly go on to save more lives. However, because she doesn't save many lives to begin with, it really doesn't make much of a difference.

GSL’s model is adjustable to see how many lives are saved by the LSL. Some employees, unlike Yasmine, simply cannot save lives that save lives, such as Molly, for instance. Effectively, Molly saves very low-quality, unhelpful lives, while the majority of lives Wang, or all Asians, save go on to save more lives. Since Molly works so hard, she has higher raw number than Wang, but for the effort she puts in and for money she charges, the returns are very, very low.

As far as comparing Asians to whites, since GSL is committed to providing racial bias in all presentations, Asians can only save a measly 5-8% of the lives a white employee saves. However, for every 10 lives Wang saves, 8 go on to save more lives; and for every 10 lives Molly saves, 0 go on to save more lives.

The results will appear in the June 2007 issue of Cutting Edge Research Monthly. Engolopoulous is the primary author and thanks Dr. Amar Pastel in the ‘Acknowledgments’ section for outstanding administrative assistance. Cutting Edge Research Monthly is a quarterly magazine published by GSP, a subsidiary of GSL Enterprises.