The Readers Have Spoken: Anita Patel Most Likely to Own Wet, Dirty Panties

Akron OH (GSP). The readers have spoken! Your votes have been tallied and so far an overwhelming majority suspect Anita Patel as the owner of the soiled panties found illegally in Dr. Amar Pastel's hotel room.

The poll, sponsored by GSP, a subsidiary of GSL Enterprises, was non-scientific and conducted in accordance with HIPAA regulations, thereby ensuring a 99% accuracy rate. GSP spokeman Dr. Craigman said, "We're well pleased with the response rate (estimated at 94%) and think this will really help investigators decide who the uninformed public believes owns the wet panties."

Craigman insisted there were no limitations to the poll and results should not be interpreted cautiously. "We can all agree that nearly all readers believe the panties belong to that dishy Indian, Anita Patel. Also, it is well known that Dr. Pastel tried to stuff the ballot for Salma Hyeck, therefore any votes for her should be discounted. You want proof? It's SALMA HYECK! Everyone knows she doesn't wear panties. Proof!"

The investigation continues with mounting public pressure for authorities to make a move. An announcement is expected in the coming days. The extent to which the poll will influence the police investigation will likely be nil.