Large public outcry against GSL Chamorette campaign

Grassroots protest groups relatively mum about dangers of GSL-Tobacco Co. partnership, addictive Chamorettes

Seattle WA (GSP). There has been a public backlash against GSL Enterprises, the chamomile and funeral care giant, for their marketing approach promoting the new highly addictive, cigarette-like Chamorettes.

Grassroots activist-mothers groups have called for Dr. Amar Pastel’s head on a platter, as he is the new spokesman and most visible employee touting the new product. These groups claim that he is being irresponsible for marketing the product to children and for smoking them himself in public libraries and children's playgrounds. Faith-based initiatives have also been launched against the marketing campaign component that has Pastel passing out cigarettes to faithful church goers at the local Prayer Palace and various Mega-Churches, saying “God ain’t want you to feel that bad. Take a break from your sins… with a smooth Chamorette!” Richie Goodspan, a Concerned Christian against Chamorette and Pastel (CCCP), said, “This is outrageous. Church is a haven for sinners, but not for the likes of Pastel who prey on us without praying for us.” Asked if he has tried the new Chamorette, Goodspan said “no.”

The introduction of a new addictive device is the first since the introduction of the cigarette in the 18^th century. Analysts predict this is a bold move that will have tremendous economic impacts globally, given the increasing popularity and consumption of the Chamomile flower – a delicious spice with a light, Indian tinge, frequently used in body care products and potpourris. Health experts hypothesize the new Chamorette will have a horrible public health impact – likely worse the ebola, bird flu and migraines combined, given the addictive and safety concerns of the product. However, protest groups have only been mildly opposed to these aspects of the new addictive product, and instead have exhibited a ferocious disdain for Dr. Amar Pastel. Public support for the embittered Pastel has waned ever since he was embroiled in a very public sex scandal with Camilla Featherstone, an Arby’s employee from Ohio. It is expected GSL Enterprises will pull the plug on Pastel touting the new Chamorette and unnamed sources suggest he may be replaced with Tony Hawk, the Kool-Aid man and/or Kermit the Frog in an exciting new advertising campaign.