GSL Enterprises to Undergo Sweeping Reform

Coconut Grove FL (GSL). GSL Enterprises, after a late night meeting with CEO Elmo Buchanan and President Curtis Ng, is set to undergo immediate changes to their business model and practices. Citing stagnation in research & development and marketing & sales in their primary fields of death care and herbal skin care/thirst quenching, the company heads decided to reinvent the company to reflect the dynamic opportunities abroad and at home in household commodities. Buchanan and Ng, in a press conference this morning, claimed the stagnation was due in part to Dr. Amar Pastel’s lackadaisical approach to business strategy, but also took complete ownership of a setback they called “intimidation by the corporate leeches, both real and imagined.”

In this monumental internal meeting, new loftier goals were set that reflect the ambitious minds at the top of GSL Enterprises. These goals include conquering markets and domains at an absolute level. Buchanan said, “We want to take GSL to new heights. We will except nothing less than excellence and complete influence.” Ng agreed stating, “We have no intention of keeping GSL Enterprises small market. We want to give our shareholders confidence that we are going to take GSL to the top.”

What precisely this means is uncertain and it appears Buchanan and Ng are keeping it secret. When asked what specifically GSL is going to embark on, Ng said, “We are planning on opening a chain of White Castle-style burger joints in Bangladesh.” Buchanan paused, looked at him and said laughingly, “Well, I don’t think we can actually do beef in India, Curtis. But something like that.”