Pastel storms into Stalingrad; meets Lenin

Stalingrad RUSSIA (GSP). Dr. Amar Pastel arrived in Stalingrad (formerly St. Petersburg and Leningrad) yesterday with an escort and chauffeur, after visiting various nunneries and orphanages in Bulgaria. Pastel toured the city with his own private tour book and many print-outs from wikipedia.com. One of his stops included the tomb of the great Russian icon Vladimir Lenin. Pastel reportedly enjoyed viewing the embalmed revolutionary, but later scoffed, "I can pull a better embalmed corpse out of my [behind]." He then claimed that the embalming fluids and gases used to preserve Lenin were from "the Stone Age" and that GSL has far superior technology to ensure Lenin will be "handsome and hued" until Russia becomes a world power again. Pastel said that GSL would provide the best embalming practices for a nominal fee and that he just "can't wait to get [his] hands on that stiff."