Dr. Amar Patel Diagnosed with Hemorrhoids

Mayo Clinic, VA (GSP). The venerable Dr. Amar Pastel was recently diagnosed with severe hemorrhoids, says a GSL corporate physician who asked to remain anonymous. At 3:20 this afternoon, Pastel rushed himself to the hospital complaining of “intense pain down there” and was immediately seen by eminent proctologist Dr. Fee-Shong Shuing. Dr. Shuing had to remove several hamsters and various metallic objects from Dr. Pastel’s rectum before being completely sure the pain Pastel experienced was indeed due to hemorrhoids. Pastel was prescribed maximum strength hemorrhoid ointment which he is to apply hourly and given an inflatable donut to sit on. Dr. Shuing recommended Pastel improve his diet, namely cutting down on sugar to avoid the painful condition.