Pastel loves Eli, hates sibs

New York NY (GSP). Dr. Amar Pastel, a long time football fan and chief executive embalmer for GSL Enterprises Funeral Division, enjoyed the Colts-Giants game at Giants Stadium on Sunday night. Spotted in the nosebleed section in full Eli Manning regalia, Pastel was seen laughing and smiling throughout the game with what appeared to be a young white attractive female. Pastel in a rare form of generosity gave autographs to several fans preempting requests.

During a press conference Monday afternoon, Pastel stated his desire to see Eli Manning win over older brother Peyton, given his affinity for the city but most importantly to see a younger sibling defeat an older sibling. Pastel explained he has always lived in the shadow of his older sister, Anita Pastel, Miss Youth American-Indian of Newington, 1998, and current celebrity zoo keeper at Newington Safari Heights, as well as his older brother Kumar Pastel, the first South East Asian-American actor to actually be cool in a motion picture. Being the youngest, he always identified with Eli Manning and compared him and Eli to “brothers of the same sorrows and weeping.” Amar related several stories from his troubled childhood, including an incident when he was 7 and Anita gave him an atomic wedgie while Kumar pinched his nipples. Another incident involved Kumar blowing up one of Amar’s favorite dolls with household-grade demolitions while Anita gave him a full-frontal wedgie. The press conference concluded with Pastel in tears ordering the reporter out of the room.