GSL in Discussion with Wachovia Security, SpamKiller

Napanee ON (GSP). Crisis management is the name of the game for GSL Enterprises as Dr. Amar Pastel's negligence nearly cost the company their secret chamomile lotion recipe and leaked valuable funeral marketing strategies estimated to have cost the company over $300 000 in lost revenue and project abandonment. While company executives have chosen to retain Dr. Pastel's services, he is on probation and under surveillance likely for the next several years. It is rumored that GSL is in talks with Wachovia Security of Philadelphia PA and the popular SpamKiller computermetrics company to right their careening ship from the waves of near-disaster. Critics have pointed to the company policy to hire low-cost robots as the root of the problems, not Pastel.

President of IT Advancement and Employment at GSL, Elmo Buchanan, only partially agreed. He said, "We knew the possibility of robot-related problems and crunched the numbers. It seemed like a good plan to hedge our bets that we could maximize profits and the robots would not turn sour. We were wrong." Buchanan added, "Pastel should not be entirely to blame since we took our chances with him too. Although there was very little chance involved: our consultants warned us to watch for when Pastel will fail, not if."

It is believed Wachovia Security will implement a motorized camera in Pastel's cubicle and bench in the GSL basement laboratories to monitor his movements. SpamKiller will provide password software for Pastel's Macintosh computer and give Pastel an extensive tutorial to learn how to use and operate a basic Macintosh environment. However, these claims have not been confirmed or denied by either company.