GSL's response to N. Korean missile testing; Funeral Boat in Popular Mechanics

Akron, OH (GSP). A meeting was held today in Akron, OH to discuss North Korean missile testing and the threat to GSL Enterprises' livelihood. Senior war consultant and underwater demolitions expert, Elmo Buchanan concluded that all threat is peripheral, especially as equity markets have stood unaffected and steady economic growth continues in Asia, Europe, and North America. It is unlikely that North Korean missiles, even those of thermal-nuclear capacity, will strike anywhere to near enough harm Akron or Napanee corporate offices, manufactoring, or funeral homes, a clear intention of Buchanan's location decision.

In the aftermath of the board meeting, GSL Enterprises' released a statement to the Associated Press that they will be stand poised and ready to offer outstanding, low-cost funeral services to those affected by missile impact and radiation fallout, wherever it may be in North America. In the event of a nuclear attack, chamomile demand is forcasted to slow down to nothing, as chamomile products are currently considered luxury items in 49 states. GSL will shut down manufactoring and concentrate energies in their funeral services division. In addition, predicting a heavy military response from the Bush administration, GSL Enterprises is fighting for a contract to manufactor bayonettes for the US calvalary to get a piece of a possible war-time economic boom.

San Francisco, CA (GSP). In this month's Popular Mechanics, an article titled Engineering Advances in Response to Nuclear War highlights the innovative "funeral yacht" design of Curtis Nyugen, chief afterlife engineer for GSL Enterprises. His unique design incorporates funeral services on a boat. The funeral boat is designed to be dispatched at a moment's notice if North Korean missiles hit Guam or Hawaii, and provide comfort to loved ones. Quoted in the article is Elmo Buchanan: "Because of GSL Enterprises' badass growth in this quarter, far exceeding analysts' predictions, substantial equity is available for the design and construction of this funeral boat. It will look like a Chinese Junk."