Pastel Smashes Guiness World Record, Oral Bed-making

Las Vegas, NV (GSP). After a turbulent few days for Dr. Amar Pastel, who faces a court subpoena for a minor league baseball steroids probe and a public outrage scandal involving the exhumation and mutilation of late celebrities, Pastel kicked it back a notch to set a new Guiness World Record in Las Vegas. Earlier today, Pastel smashed the world record for bed-making with a time of 14:52. While that may seem like a long time to just make a twin bed, it should be noted that the record demands the bed be made with nothing but the contestant's mouth. Using only his teeth, head and neck, Pastel fitted a bed with sheets, a down duvet and slipped down pillows with floral covers. The previous record was 16:20.

Pastel wore his GSL embalming uniform in a questionable sign of solidarity and loyalty to his employer. While refusing to officially comment on his victory, in between icing his mouth and catching his breath after setting the record, he said, "This is a big win for us. A big win."