Pastel’s Unplanned Poetry Garners Snickers, Guffaws

Birdston, MS (GSP). After the most recent photo shoot for the latest McDonald’s campaign, a poem was found written by Dr. Amar Pastel, McDonald’s newest spokesperson and GSL Enterprises embalmer. Written on a napkin and peppered with spelling mistakes and unconventional grammar, Pastel seems to have released the emotions of his heart through the ink, onto cheap napkin tissue.

The poem, scrawled in hot pink ink, reads:

Rcently I have found many changes occuring within and without me. I feel like a totaly differant creature. I think i'm coming into my own and turning int the butterfly finally....NO MORE UGLY [sic].

Whether he is being serious or just looking for attention is unclear. However, child psychologist Dr. Franklin Heil said, “This is an ostensible cry for help, a wounded young man reaching out to the community around him. The squeal of the prepubescent mind is shrill to the uninitiated ears. I’m concerned, but glad. I feel flabbergasted, but not discombobulated. Annoyed, but tolerant. Anytime an expression from the depths of one’s soul is released into the world, like a kamikaze attack, something special happens. He’s a pretty [expletive] up guy. I would recommend he stick to pushing fried cheese.”

The napkin is being held by police to compare its handwriting with perverted notes written to annoyed women in the area. If a forensic handwriting scientist can show the styles are related, Pastel could be charged with peeping-tomism and lewd perverted behavior.

Pastel has declined to comment on whether he actually wrote this and if he truly believes he is coming into his own and turning into the butterfly finally.

GSL Enterprises has reportedly been strategizing ways to cut ties with Pastel permanently, or at least get him to stop being a weirdo pervert.

McDonald’s has denied that this is a new marketing scam and has expressed regret over hiring Pastel. The advertising campaign is slated for national exposure late next week.