Mid-afternoon Rendevous Leads Pastel to Consequences

Akron, OH (GSP). A mid-afternoon hookup leads Pastel to the homeless shelter today. Girlfriend J. Crackow had long suspected the seeds of a cheater in famed embalmber Dr. Amar Pastel, but never did she suspect her live-in boyfriend would hurt her so swiftly and so badly. She first became suspicious upon seeing Pastel covorting with Icelantic musician Bjork last Wednesday (see right), but she held her jealousy in check and trusted him when he said "we're just meeting to go over our anestethiology notes."


"He accidently left his email open. I was closing it when I glanced at an email from her with subject line saying 'I want you.' I quickly opened it, read the details in heartbreak, and hurried to the location of their meeting."

The pervert Pastel strolled into the Sandman Inn with signature Jansport backpack loaded with dildos, scented lubricants, and various devices intended to inflict hedonistic punishment. His little viking princess laid in wait. Obviously, this time the BJ's were going to be free.

"I looked through the window, and it was all over (see right). True to Pastel's usual performance, it probably lasted two seconds, before he could even get off his boxers. He was already trying to turn on the TV and was playing with his water bottle. He never likes to cuddle after, the bastard. I just started crying uncontrollable," recounts J. Crakow.

Ms. Crackow promptly kicked Pastel out of the house. His whereabouts are currently unknown, although one Akron resident took a picture of him in a park with all his belongings (Jansport bag and TV), drinking cheap beer, this time not mixed with gin as during the happy times (see below).



To all readers: Please call 1-800-PASTEL-PERVERT if you have any information on his location or destination.