Pastel tells joke, date shocked, not amused

Farmington, CT (GSP). GSL exec Elmo Buchanan wasn't expecting an exciting night when he picked up Dr. Pastel, famed embalmer from his Newington home, where he lives with his parents and performs pro-bono celebrity post-death makeovers for the used cadavers at the local medical school. And an exciting night he didn't get. Pastel, with an overwhelming olfactory blockade of Polo Sport, checkered shirt, and absense of charm, stepped into Buchanan's jap mobile and didn't say a word.

"It was hard driving the stick, with all of us crammed in there. I kept hitting her knees" said Buchanan about their ride to a local pizza restaurant overlooking the Housatonic River and much recommended by Curtis Ng, MPH. Buchanan picked up Tessa from her apartment in Farmington, and witnessed an awkward display of "um, nice to...um...meet you" between Pastel and the attractive blonde. They climbed into the little two-wheel drive purple truck for a ride to romance, crammed 1-2-3 on the bench seat like cows going to slaughter, with Tessa getting bruised knees on every gear change.

"It got so quiet in my jap mobile, that I had to turn on the radio," Buchanan said of the subsequent moments, "it was music to my ears to find Fergie's 'Big Girls Don't Cry' on 88.4, the River." Buchanan pulled up to the pizza restaurant whistling the tune, and pushed out the two crazy kids for a night they would remember.

"I wish I could forget that night," answers Tessa when asked about the pizza date. "We were sitting there and he was bragging about anesthesiology and surgical rotations, and I asked if I could get pepperoni. Then the waitress comes around, and he orders a small deep-dish veggie deluxe with extra cheese without asking me. What kind of man doesn't eat meat? I want a Marlboro man, not Habib, the Cheese Eater." As the pair chomped down on the green-pepper, onion, cheese, mushroom slices, washed with Diet Pepsi, Pastel got it in his head to show his humorous side.

"Why can't Brown people and Chinese people do business? Because Chinese people always say things that don't make sense. I went to buy a purse. He told me 'be a man' and then 'someone gonna get a hurt real bad.' Haha." Tessa, a wholesome, prettyish girl from Maine, was shocked.

"I didn't get it. Did he think he was funny? I didn't. He was just mean. I wanted to leave. Then to top it off, he ordered a small pizza and ate 3/4 of it. I was so hungry. Then I had to pay for it as he complained about medical school being expensive." recaped the ever-joyful-until-that-night Tessa. It ended with long ride home with very few good-night kisses characterized by Buchanan as being "Like an old horse finally getting put down with a bullet to the head."

---"I baked Cranberry-oatmeal cookies that night to forget."~Tessa
---"She wasn't very interesting."~Amar Pastel