Dr. Pastel, GSL Dismayed with N. Korea Nuclear Testing

Albertville, NORTH KOREA (GSP). Senior GSL administration and middle-management embalmer Dr. Amar Pastel expressed their sadness and disappointment with the news of a nuclear bomb test conducted by North Korea. The company, whose CEO Elmo Buchanan is Korean, proclaimed this a “bleak day for the world, nation and company,” citing the disastrous effects of nuclear war on humanity and the GSL business model. Stock shares for GSL are expected to plummet with the news, but CEO Buchanan and President Curtis Nyugen attempted to reassure stockholders not to make any rash decisions.

Nyugen said, “Our research and development team, under the expert embalmer Amar Pastel, will be working day and night until we come up with a satisfactory and lucrative solution to the problem of embalming vaporized and radiated corpses. We hope to address our shareholders concerns about the embalming of nuclear bomb victims. Furthermore, we will work to provide an excellent funeral experience for survivors and the deceased alike. In fact, if nuclear war occurs, we can assume an enormous increase in business.”

Top GSL executives also announced the construction of a new fallout shelter for the company that will have a large sign that reads “No Pastels Allowed” and alluded to potential products such as nuclear bomb-resistant coffins, custom-fitted lead vests for corpses and life-sized ceramic Dr. Pastel mannequins for target practice.