Bizarre note penned by Pastel, found in dirty laundry

Cucamonga CA (GSP). A bizarre, possibly suicidal, note was found in emflamed embalmer Dr. Amar Pastel's laundry late Thursday night. A housecleaning robot stumbled upon it while cleaning up Pastel's filthy studio apartment. Lodged in between soiled boxer shorts and dirty panties was a hand-scribbled note, reading:

THIS IS IT
So it's like this.. this GSL company is all that matters to me in this world...the OOOONNNLLLYYYYY thing. If I lose this. I LOSE IT!!!!! I would fucking off myself in a second if I lost this. that simple......

and if there's anyone out there who wants to take a swing at me for being me...bring it the fuck on.....

AMARP OUT

The robot submitted it to GSL Enterprises since the company was referenced in the note. GSL Enterprises then traced the note to last November, precisely the same time Pastel missed work, after shattering his knee cap while doing laundry, a typical household chore. Resident forensic investigator, Aaron Philbin, said that the laundry was never done, but the note was written shortly before the accident since Pastel was "too wimpy" to do anything after breaking his knee.

Many at GSL found the note disturbing because they never pegged Pastel to be suicidal. Mail room attendant Theron Hayden said, "Its always the person you least expect. Pastel had it all: looks, intelligence and personality. If I could be like him, I'd start my own rock band."

GSL has offered to provide Pastel with one free counseling session, a benefit under their current employee health plan. Pastel was not available to respond or comment on the note.