Amar meets Jake 'Body by Jake' Steinfeld, wanted Seinfeld

New York NY (GSP). Last night, Dr. Amar Pastel, blustery embalmer for funeral behemoth GSL Enterprises, hosted a media outreach event to garner public support for his bizarre lifestyle.

He touted the event as a meet-and-greet with Jerry Seinfeld, but failed to secure the popular comic. Instead, an aging fitness buff, Jake "Body by Jake" Steinfeld showed up as the guest of honor. Company attorney Mr. Dimejios Ashley-Ogun recognized him immediately as the affable cab driver from the smash hit "Coming to America" motion picture. However, because he is white, Ashley-Ogun quickly rebuffed him on the grounds of race, claiming he didn't want to be on some "cracker website" that posts "fake news items about fake companies and fake people." He went on to say he only supports websites that make fun of white people. Nonetheless, Pastel convinced his childhood friend to pose for one picture with the friendly white giant.

Interestingly too, Pastel looked like he had gained a substantial amount of weight and his choice of clothes peaked the curiosity of many. Sporting a bolo tie and a leather vest adorned with "#1 Jesus" badges and iron-on crosses, it was an ostensible ploy to go after the affections of the evangelical-Mike Huckabee population. Whether this reveals a partisan side of Pastel remains to be seen. However, it cannot be a coincidence that all of this occurred in the middle of a heated primary race.

When asked who he supports in the election, he glanced quickly at his attorney, Ashley-Ogun, who nodded subtly. Pastel said, "Definitely not Obama. Dimejios always told me that he [Ashley-Ogun] is going to be the first black president."