Pastel's shocking plastic surgery transformation

Boston MA (GSP). In a descent from madness to full-fledged dementia, Dr. Amar Pastel of GSL Enterprises embalming fame has undergone extensive plastic surgery, with grotesque, yet improved, results.

In a stunt perhaps rivaled only by pop starlet Britney Spears of recent times, Pastel reported revealed his "new look" to reporters in a green courtyard, surrounded by his adoring fans. He said he wanted to try something new and edgy and visionary. Apparently several months ago, while managing his MySpace page, he came across the homepage for "Opal," an amazingly passionate band based out of the Twin Ports. With hard hitting and inspiring lyrics, that "could change the course of time," Pastel could see their ability to write heart-felt music and melodies accompanied with honest, sincere souls will, no doubt, lead Opal to national success.

With songs and performances projecting the fire and drive rooted in raw emotion and love for music, Opal certainly changed the course of Pastel's life. When he saw a picture of the unbridled enthusiastic style of lead singer Theron Hayden, he immediately placed calls to his medical friends to arrange a procedure where he could look more like the rugged rock star.

It is Pastel's hope that his heart will bleed through Opal's songs with their sound that is a unique blend of heavy alternative rock. He also wants his Opal experience will be enhanced now that he looks more like the incendiary Hayden. With a nose job that makes him look like Al Gore's mythically real "manbearpig" and piercing green eyes like Hayden's, Pastel is now ready to have his dream of rock stardom realized. He has plugs in his scalp from his silky chest hair and has now grown his hair to thick and luxurious proportions - just like Hayden. Pastel said, "Theron is my idol. I'm thinking of changing my name to Therin as a tribute - I can't steal his name, but I can make it phonetically similar enough to maintain my identity and his. I think Therin Prince Albert Pastel has a nice ring to it, no?"

In an unbiased poll, most women think the changes to Pastel's facial features are an immense improvement. And 60% fewer children run away screaming from his ghastly face than before. Whether this will have an effect on the embattled embalming star's public life remains to be seen.