Rapid Communication: Pastel Responsible for Reynolds' ESPN departure

FOR IMMEDIATE RELEASE:

Bristol CT (GSP). Dr. Pastel has been implicated in the dramatic, and unexpected, departure of Harold Reynolds from ESPN. Harold Reynolds is a baseball analyst for the network and is best known as an anchor for ESPN's "Baseball Tonight".

Pastel, allegedly, was on a tour of the ESPN headquarters in Bristol, CT on his summer vacation when he saw Reynolds in the hallway waiting for an elevator. A longtime baseball fan, Pastel started yelling at Reynolds, calling him a "charlatan" and a "rube", claimed a fellow tour goer. Pastel was supposedly incensed with the analyst's partisan affection for baseball great Derek Jeter, but more importantly, Pastel was adamantly against Reynold's perceptive criticism of baseball asshole Manny Ramirez. Apparently, the outburst became near-violent with Pastel allegedly exposing himself to Reynolds and calling him slurs that questioned his intelligence.

According to a source who wished to remain anonymous, Reynolds left in the elevator and promptly sexually harassed a female employee on the third floor which was the main cause of his dismissal. Whether Pastel's outburst was responsible for Reynold's dismissal remains to be determined, although it is quite possible.

The same anonymous source said they are considering asking Dr. Pastel to replace Reynolds for the "Baseball Tonight" program as they feel he would be a perfect sidekick for John Kruk.