Patel bids to buy all news media, GSL management groans

New York NY (GSP). Recent scandal and financial allegations swirl around Dr. Pastel, once a lowly-emballmer in a Mt. Sinai basement, he is now a household name for hell-be-damned Enronesque white collar criminals. In an attempt to present himself as a real man with real feelings, Dr. Pastel interviewed on the Letterman show last night. Visibly drunk and unbathed, Pastel started cursing the left-wing media and made a bid on air to buy all news media to end the "dirty false allegations" they have been charging about him. Then a string of expletives rang for the audiences, such as "F*** Katie Curic and her ivy-league dirty liberal biased drivel. I will f*** her in the a**. That Anderson Cooper too. I will f*** him in the a** too. Peter Jennings has been dead for 5 years. I emballmed him and then made him look like Miss Piggy. Then I f***ed him in the a**."

Back in the Akron home offices, upper GSL management groaned. In a press release to the New York Times this morning, CEO Elmo Buchanan and President and Board Chief Curtis Nyugen, appologized that "GSL will not buy all news media. We just don't have the money."