Fortune magazine criticizes GSL Glamour Managment; Pension Mismanagment
New York, NY (GSP). GSL shareholders take another beating today on the NYSE as stock prices drop below $2 for the first time to $1.75, far below GSL's $5 IPO in August 2004 and high of $37 in June 2005. UBS analysts cite further mismanagement of GSL junior executive assistant Dr. Pastel for the violatility in GSL's public equity.
An article titled The Death of Glamour Management in August's Fortune headlines GSL Enterprises' Dr. Pastel among its glamour mismanagement examples, citing Dr. Pastel faulty & lavish spending activities within GSL enterprises. For example, the article highlights Dr. Pastel's uninformed marketing attempt of funding a GSL "Calm Down" campaign party at the Playboy mansion. Although the party was a wild publicity success, with Girls Next Door Bridget and Kendra grinding in the nude atop of Pastel's table, shareholders cringed with uncertainty of Pastel's operating sanity and the until-now healthy dividend payouts. This faux paux resulted in a rise in revenue but a significant dip in public equity, forcing GSL financier Elmo Buchanan to undertake significant debt to match operating costs. In addition, Pastel's funding of GSL Chamomile advertisement within video games such as the Dark as Hell and Korean Nuclear shootout further rile uncertainty among investors. Pastel's unsuccessful bid to buy the Hummer division from GM puts GSL in an unsure market position. Analysts are unsure on how to forecast the future of GSL, which would have already been a timely death for a smaller company.
Raleigh, NC (GSP). Faulty pension plans have overextended GSL's operating cost once again. When GSL laid off 100% of its human workers in July 2006, replacing them with robots, GSL offered spectacular pension plans to all former employees (without any intention of living up to it). Dr. Pastel's choice to invest in mutual funds such as the low-yield Christian 500 (a fund that only invests in companies that are not sinful) has put former employees penniless, as pension mismanagement across the country, baby-boomer retirement, and oil-induced inflation push GSL's pension liabilities. As former employee claims hit the court, Mr. Buchanan, GSL COO, has had to make the ethical decision to match the liabilities with even more debt, overextending GSL even farther than the pension liabilities currently crippling General Motors. Former employees are just not happy with Dr. Pastel's soothing but harsh statement "get over it babies. if you're so worried about retirement, just die. And if you're going to cry about it, get a job."
An article titled The Death of Glamour Management in August's Fortune headlines GSL Enterprises' Dr. Pastel among its glamour mismanagement examples, citing Dr. Pastel faulty & lavish spending activities within GSL enterprises. For example, the article highlights Dr. Pastel's uninformed marketing attempt of funding a GSL "Calm Down" campaign party at the Playboy mansion. Although the party was a wild publicity success, with Girls Next Door Bridget and Kendra grinding in the nude atop of Pastel's table, shareholders cringed with uncertainty of Pastel's operating sanity and the until-now healthy dividend payouts. This faux paux resulted in a rise in revenue but a significant dip in public equity, forcing GSL financier Elmo Buchanan to undertake significant debt to match operating costs. In addition, Pastel's funding of GSL Chamomile advertisement within video games such as the Dark as Hell and Korean Nuclear shootout further rile uncertainty among investors. Pastel's unsuccessful bid to buy the Hummer division from GM puts GSL in an unsure market position. Analysts are unsure on how to forecast the future of GSL, which would have already been a timely death for a smaller company.
Raleigh, NC (GSP). Faulty pension plans have overextended GSL's operating cost once again. When GSL laid off 100% of its human workers in July 2006, replacing them with robots, GSL offered spectacular pension plans to all former employees (without any intention of living up to it). Dr. Pastel's choice to invest in mutual funds such as the low-yield Christian 500 (a fund that only invests in companies that are not sinful) has put former employees penniless, as pension mismanagement across the country, baby-boomer retirement, and oil-induced inflation push GSL's pension liabilities. As former employee claims hit the court, Mr. Buchanan, GSL COO, has had to make the ethical decision to match the liabilities with even more debt, overextending GSL even farther than the pension liabilities currently crippling General Motors. Former employees are just not happy with Dr. Pastel's soothing but harsh statement "get over it babies. if you're so worried about retirement, just die. And if you're going to cry about it, get a job."
posted by GSL Enterprises at
1:43 PM
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